#21

Twenty-first posts are the bomb! Or not?

Anyway, I pretty much disregarded all that planning I did for a blog post on the other blog about my insecurity issues, and that's that. I had a really bad couple of days, but it's over now, and even though I still think the subject is something I want to explore just for the sake of self-help, I won't be doing it presently.

What has even happened since I last wrote a post? I forgot to check. Another Pariisin Kevät gig, I think - front row, very much made me remember why I prefer age-restricted concerts - some schoolwork, a possible trainee position... in two words: seemingly, a lot. I seem to be trudging by okay regardless of my personal issues, which is a definite plus.

I've talked a lot with J and M about cosplay lately, and I think that's partly why I've been getting awesome-yet-horrible cosplay urges from pretty much any character I've ever wanted to dress as. Last night it was Shadowman / Doctor Facilier from Disney's The Princess and the Frog, today it was Dastan / Prince of Persia. (When it comes to the latter - we watched the 2010 film with J tonight. It was still as epic as ever. Even though Jake Gyllenhaal's face reminded J too much of a semi-mutual friend/slug of a human being to fully appreciate it, I was melting, okay. I've never been that much of a Gyllenhaal groupie, but god damn, he pulls off a flawless Prince of Persia. And puppy face. Just sayin'.) PoP is probably one of the oldest and most committed game crushes I have ever had, running the risk of sounding very weird - both character- and gameplay-wise. I guess there's just something that appeals to me about dark, brooding, doomed heroes who rock the double blades and/or have magic powers. What're you gonna do.

I just wanted to post to make sure I wouldn't completely forget to - I think it's been, what, a month since I posted the last time? At least a fortnight-ish for sure. Anyway, I'm going to proceed to go drool over Prince some more. Day has been made.

#20

POST NUMBER 20! 

Time to party!

Or not.

I found Mario Kart 7 at a 65% discount in Citymarket because I was tipped by a friend. I'm very happy but it's also a very very frustrating game... the graphics are beautiful though, and I like the remake levels AND the new ones. I've also been playing a lot of Pokémon X now that I finished Ocarina of Time on 3DS, and I also bought Bioshock: Infinite on Friday because the price had gone down to 30€. I don't really have money for this but oh well.

One night last week I started thinking about things and my personal issues so deeply that I could not fall asleep. It was scary as hell, to be honest, I don't remember something like that even happening before. Yes, of course I've been too high-strung to sleep before, but mostly it has been due to weird sleeping patterns or excitement, not that I stress myself out with thoughts until I have heart palpitations I can feel in my stomach. Horrifying. 

There's a lot of stuff I need to do, which I won't get into now because I know it'll just stress me out a lot again, but maybe I'll write about all that after I'm done with my duties. 

Today is also Tom's 33rd birthday! In happier news. 

I really want to draw right now, but I feel like I can't spend time on things like that in good conscience when I have so many school/other responsibilities I should take care of first. Essentially, this means that I just spend time on my phone and my 3DS procrastinating, because I don't have the self-control to keep myself from them. 

I have Isku tomorrow, hopefully it goes well. I really need to write a post on the other blog about the issues I was thinking about when I couldn't sleep - i.e. how the fact that I have no life ambitions or even a will to live past 35 affects my choices and motivations about everyday responsibilities. That's going to be a fun thing to do.... not at all. But it might help organize my thoughts and maybe work on a solution - I doubt that the deeper issue is going anywhere since it's been a foundation I've built my life and psychological viewpoints on for most of my life, but maybe I can work out something that'll make my subconscious ... more stressed? Or, maybe rather more responsibility-oriented. We shall see. I need to do that on Tuesday or some day when I don't immediately have to be social or focus on something else, because when I have to write in the other blog I'm rarely very coherent afterwards. 

Well, let's count this as a promise: I'll write a real post on I'll Sleep When I'm Dead on Tuesday night, until then I'll try to focus on my other responsibilities. I'm out.