It's been a little difficult to adjust to being at school regularly again. Because of our trainee periods, we've had relatively little time at the actual campus on lectures since March. I really do enjoy being at school and just being able to receive information, as a student. I love my class, and traineeships are taxing in the way you have to pick up a working person's position in the community. It's challenging but also rewarding, and tends to take a lot of energy.
I had applied for a summer job in my church, and didn't get the position... I was a little bummed when they called to inform me about it last Saturday, but to be completely honest, it was a thing I pretty much expected. The interview didn't go too well, and I felt like at least in that setting, I couldn't muster up the maturity a job in the church's youth work would require, and the interviewers most likely felt that too.
Even though losing that particular job opportunity wasn't really a very big setback, I feel like it mentally made me feel a bit insecure. I try to veer away from blaming anxiety or bad self-esteem for these kinds of disappointments, because even though it affects my life and a big part of why I got so depressed in my abiturient year, I really don't think it's an issue I have to regularly struggle with. Realistically, my biggest issue is the lack of drive in all aspects of my life. Call it lack of ambition if you will, mostly I think I don't really feel the urge to accomplish anything, and so I don't put out a lot of effort and tend to lose opportunities because of that. It's an element of my character that I continuously struggle with.
Enough of this moaning and whining though - I don't want this blog to turn into such a morose affair as I'll sleep when I'm dead.
Tomorrow I'm going to Punanaamio and the Reuse Center with Samuli to get started on our costumes for the premiere of The Hobbit - The Desolation Of Smaug. It's one of my ongoing project at the moment, that I will try and document the progress of on this blog. (Another one is the manflesh book I'm building for A's graduation.)
So far, I have the knit hood base that needs to be sewn together and the tassels need to be attached. I also have the required materials for the ponchette I'm making to coordinate with the hood. Maybe buying latex elf-ear tips and the tunic/cape materials will inspire me to work on that more as well!
I also have a complete plan on what's going where for Annette's book, but I need to get to the printing-and-gluing portion soon - I only have a week and a half left to finish it! Most of it will be rather quick work, but I'm planning to include some "full-page" pencil/colored pencil drawings that I'll need time to work on. I knew I wouldn't be working on it night and day, so I tried to be rather unambitious with the planning - only some chibi comics to go with specific portions of the book, and three drawings of actors that I'm going to decorate with silk string roses for flower crows. Because we share a lot of preferences, I'm going to get to draw Tom Hiddleston and Tyler Hoechlin! I'm also including her all-time favourite Ewan McGregor, who I don't have much of a personal attachment to but it's not like it'll be a hardship to procure.
We just started a new study module at school (Christianity studies again!) and got handed a lot of assignments this Monday. We're, as a group, preparing and hosting a mass on campus this Friday, doing Bible study groups throughout the next 4 weeks and doing a major group assignment as well. I got a great group for the big assignment, as well as an interesting subject, so it shoud be great so long as I put forth a lot of effort to do well on it.
This concludes my first actual post on (undecided). Tomorrow, I'm going to show for the costume materials and go return and borrow some study-related books from the Diak campus library in Helsinki.
I'll probably try to post again later this week, to have a look on the progress I'll hopefully be making on my various projects!
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